Saturday, January 7, 2006

Enough already!!!

This man was my inspiration and my support system. That day he commented that he was having a '...strange kind of vertigo.' I had been treated for 'vertigo' in the past year; so had a couple of our daughters. Vertigo, treated or not, will go away - usually - right? We urged him to see the doctor; he assured us he would be okay.

A week after his memorial service I received an updated list of heart attack symptoms in my mailbox - part of a mass mailing from a local hospital. On that list, alongside the symptoms we all know about, was dizziness! If only we had known....

I keep remembering. He wants me to be strong. He was always proud of my strength and my abilities. Life goes on. Life is good. But THEY won't let me forget. THEY keep throwing out new things to think about and new things to dwell on! THEY are the media. I always keep a news station going on the tv. We always kept a news station going. Don't want to live in a vacuum, do we?

Sharon in Israel - McCloy in W. Virginia: Both of these men are being kept alive by abnormal means, hoping against hope they will wake up and lead 'normal' lives. What will happen if they wake up and are little more than vegetables? The news media will not let me relax and get on with life.

What do these men have in common with my Frank? They are (or were?) obviously strong-willed people. Frank always said life with a non-functioning brain is not an option. When he arrived at the hospital I was told he had been without a pulse for an hour. Nobody identified him/her self as a doctor. I only saw a bunch of people (watching with tears in their eyes as I tried to talk him into staying in this world), an overly solicitous minister and the original rescue team that showed up at my house when I dialed 911.

I went home, surrounded by loving family and friends. I received a phone call from the organ donation people. It took at least an hour to answer all their questions because we said yes to their request. Fortunately somebody else took over the phone after I answered a multitude of questions.

We planned the cremation and memorial service... then received a phone call. The burden was placed on us, Frank's family, to get the death certificate signed. The hospital ER doctor would not sign it! Was the doctor even there? I don't know. He/she never talked to me! I suppose if we had kept him in an unnatural state of suspension for a couple of days, somebody from the hospital would have signed off when he finally died...?

I just thank God every day for allowing my husband to die with dignity... without man-made interference and prolonging the inevitable. I just turned off the television. They are still discussing Sharon on the news channel - as though he is already gone. As for McCloy in W. Virginia - I'm sure his family is hoping and praying for a complete recovery but chances appear slim for him as well.

Enough! I've had to say this for a long time. Now I can take down my Christmas decorations and get going into 2006 and a whole new life style. I will always love you Frank!


TLP said...

I agree with you completely. And with Frank. You ARE your brain actually.

Shirl said...

Frank looks like a strong, handsome man. My heart goes out to you in your loss, Sherle. I know you are very strong too, and you have good faith.

And . . . you have a great name! LOL!

Thanks for the birthday wishes!

Jan said...

the media: read it if you think you can benefit from the info(future)- toss it before reading if not. watch the news at certain times of day rather than keeping it on for background noise. try discovery or old movie channel perhaps - or music of course.

Dad - I believe just as we are in charge of our lives, we are in charge of our deaths (oversimplified perhaps but my belief)

Jan said...

i love you Mom and Dad. Always.

Nat said...

I'm glad you said what you had to say, Mom. I don't believe we'll know for sure exactly what happened and exactly when, but I do know that one thing is for sure; he would never have wanted to be hooked up to machines to keep him alive.

Know that I love you and I hope Dad knows how much we love him too.

Ruth said...

Thank you Sherle for your story. My husband died with his boots on, also. Just as he wanted it. But it takes awahile to get over the shock. After calling 911, we took him to the hospital and they did not tell me he had died until one of my daughters got to the hospital. He has heart bypass surgery 7 years earlier so we should have been prepared. But we never are. I love reading your Blog and getting to know you..and your beautiful children. God bless you.

osray said...

Hi Sherle, I linked you when I found out you were Nat's mom, and cause you got a neat blog... I'm 74 and Sweetie is 73, we talk about it all the time. "What if, and when." Right now I can'e even imagine how I will make it after being 56 yrs together. My good thoughts and prayers to you.

Windy said...

Mom, I so glad you wrote your feelings. I agree. There is no way dad would have wanted to be "kept alive". That's not really living! I love you.

Jane said...

I know you must miss your Frank. As my mother always say, "I have such sweet memories of my sweet husband". I am sure you do too.
God bless you.