It's a Birthday...

Does anybody remember besides me? i love you Frank. i always will, but i realize the physical door between us is closed.

i'm opening new doors... and i even opened one that lasted 7 months and it is presently in process of being closed! i know you would approve of closing this one!!!

i've opened several other doors though. These are real keepers and i know you would encourage me in them.

Quote of the day today is:
'The doors we open and close each day decide the lives we live.'
- Flora Whittemore, author

Life IS good...

...even though sometimes situations are not so good. i grew up trying to find a pony in the room full of horse manure! It's usually there... you just have to know it... and look for it! As a kid, there was a lot of manure and it was a small room.

i finally got out of that room when i met and married Mr. Right. During the ensuing fifty years, he pampered me with encouragement and praise. In his wisdom he provided me with self confidence and a strong feeling of personal worth.

Then he went and died on me... suddenly and with little warning. During his memorial service, his best friend said... '..Frank's job was to make Shirley look good.'

i've been looking for that pony again. i just think i found it and another pile of manure emerges. i refuse to quit looking. i KNOW there's a pony in here somewhere!

Customize Your Settings

Customize Your Settings
Note: i unlinked this because it was only to see how it works.

okay, this is something on my new traveler! Yeah i know, it's on my bigger 'puters too but i never tried it before.

This is just the cutest little thing AND weighs almost nothing! i can wrap it up and carry it around in a big purse if i want to! LOVE it!

Second Thoughts...

...maybe i should let her stay with me. Maybe i am a sinner for not understanding her illness. Maybe... maybe...... maybe........

This morning i was awakened, once again, by the continual coughing, choking, gagging, spitting almost to the point of throwing up, and more coughing and choking. The disease is called COPD; spelled out it is called chronic obstructive pulmonary disease.

The tv ads for Spiriva should show what i hear every morning. ...and it's not just mornings; it's just worse in the morning, after a night's sleep when her poor abused body has done it's best to try to heal itself. It appears to be a losing battle because, after the morning pulmonary exercise trying to excrete those poisons from her body; after she medicates; she goes outside for a breath of 'fresh' air... and that precious first cigarette of the day.

When mom was in the hospital for so long this summer, Sis kept saying we need to be by her side because... 'nobody should be left alone to die.' Was she really talking about herself?

i did some online literature search this morning. i will spare the details and especially the photo included with the first article. i learned how insidious this COPD really is!!!

Here are the best of what i read: http://www.nhlbi.nih.gov/health/dci/Diseases/Copd/Copd_WhatIs.html

http://www.medicinenet.com/script/main/art.asp?articlekey=86131

...and here is a quote from an article pushing their own non-prescription product. It describes some of the research being done.

Literally poking holes in patients' lungs

Shooting special "glue" into their
lungs, and

Putting one-way valves inside bronchial tubes to let stale air out

Good heavens! Now i know why, even when she's not smoking, she smells like an ashtray! Pray for my sister; pray for me.

Am i selfish for needing to move her from my house?

peanut butter...

..who'da thunk it could make you sick? By now we've all heard about the dreaded salmonella 'epidemic' related to peanut products. Finally, there is a list of products & companies where the peanut products are all safe!!! Find that list on SparkPeople. Here's the link: http://www.dailyspark.com/blog.asp?post=find_out_which_peanut_products_are_safe_to_eat

i Had a Dream Last Night...

..... Sis stopped by my 'place of employment' - a very conservative, quiet place. (...??? i've been retired for 23 years, but yes it was a business atmosphere.) She wore a dress (???!!!) and had her hair in a bun!!!!! (Her hair is extremely short) Everybody was fawning over her... 'so glad to see you...' etc. and totally ignoring poor, hard-working me! Duh! Wonder what that could mean?

• the woman has two faces (at least) - her 'public' face and her 'private, at ease' face.
• she does nothing to help around here, but likes to accept praises for how 'good' it is for me to have her here.
• she gets along with her peers at work.
• yesterday after i had my dinner, she took a phone call and continued gabbing while cooking her dinner, during her meal (at the table, talking loudly and cheerfully), after her dinner while she donned her coat & went outdoors for the after dinner smoke, and into the other living room where she was watching tv before and after dinner.
• i have never heard her so cheerful and talkative!!!! Not EVER!!!
• they were talking about *work and the people there and cutting them all down.

Now i know why we have nothing in common.

Update: Yesterday she asked me how soon she has to move... that her son is remodeling a place right now for his employer (who rents houses & apartments) and it should be ready in about a month. i told her a month is fine. i suppose she hopes i'll change my mind again.....

I Will NOT change my mind. See the motto top right column? It is my motivational mantra. i will put it on all my active blogs until she actually moves out! Motto is no longer there, but here it is for posterity:

Reminder to Self
*i am beautiful! *i am talented! *i am intelligent! *i am wise! i am versatile! i am flexible! i am NOT a doormat!!!*It took almost 50
years of marriage to a good man to begin believing these things. i will NOT go back to dumb, ugly, and useless!

I no longer care. My other motto - 'you gets what you gives.'

*i guess you need something to hang on to when your own job is sorting giant bins of discards. It's a big decision-making job. She has to decide what to throw away and hang the 'good' and the clean stuff for resale in the store part of her place of employment.

Good NEWS!!!

My new 'baby' was shipped out today! Hoooooooooray!

Yesterday... not bad

Sis went to work, came home, talked to her cat (who was out among 'the living' all day), and went to her room. Not sure what's going on but i presume she is continuing to get ready for departure. i will NOT allow myself to feel like the bad guy here. i'm not sure there even IS a bad guy in this fiasco!

i went downstairs to see if anything is changing there. She has stuff down there just sitting around, already dusty and getting dustier, on a flat surface. Until yesterday, for the past several months, there was also trash... lots of trash... just sitting near the door looking ugly. (Perhaps she was waiting for me to take it out?) Yesterday there was a shiny new box of heavy duty trash bags and two all tied up. Not sure if she knows what day is 'garbage day' even though she actually took some to the road last Tuesday... remember?

i went into the 'rummage sale room' and noticed she has removed her stuff from that room. God forbid i should get rich on her junk! Noticed i had rummage stuff in boxes with her name on them - from her move here. I transferred stuff to 'new' boxes that i obtained recently... and put her boxes near her stuff. i suppose that's another 'hint' in her mind???

Today she is gone... perhaps at work? i don't know but departure time was right for it. i will not bend; i will not give in. i am strong, remember? i am NOT a doormat!

Did i mention that the windy weather blew kitchen door open last night? It's not the first time since she moved in that has happened. i closed it and locked it and she probably thinks i locked the door as a 'hint' too???? See what i mean?

i DID it... i DID it!!! ooooo!oooooo!OOOOOOO!!! happy dance!

...i just today purchased a really really inexpensive very cute little laptop!!! Well, i ordered it so i don't have it yet... but will probably have it before my HP laptop is back from the shop!

Yeah yeah yeah...... i did it because i want to. Been thinking about another 'puter since the 'old' HP first went to the shop! The 'old' one is almost 2 years old but started going batty shortly after the first year was up. Glad i bought extended warranty with this one cuz it turned out to be 'lemon of the year.' Had 2 notices to fix it myself... from email so far, and first time i took it in after notice... it had not 1 but TWO burned out harddrives!!! 2nd time it was 'locking up' but BestBuy couldn't duplicate the problem in store, so i got it back - AFTER it sat in the store for 2 weeks or more... NOW it's making a very loud noise!!! Geek squad is very kind... but said it has to go in. Said it takes HP techs to determine lemon status, so who knows???

Meanwhile, ol' sherl sits at home with the trusty old HP desk version, but it is so-o-o-o-o-o slow! Ordered the new laptop from Comp USA... it just might be my new favorite store!

My 'old' laptop is pretty much top of the line for that year, 17" screen, etc.; the new one is smaller but 'big' in features! Delivery was cheap and should arrive 3-7 days from now. Will probably have it to play with before my HP comes home.

The brand? Acer
... and the OS is..... Windows XP!!!!
Oh yeah, baby!

Ima Happy Camper

Update: It's working!!! Sis will move out. She is pulling together her stuff even as i speak... well, not right now, she's at work, but you know.....

Here are some facts:
i love her.
i cannot live with her.
we have not been able to communicate since the early years of her first marriage.
i am not accustomed to a screaming attmosphere so last time Sis screamed at me, using words i don't even like to READ, let alone say or hear, i phoned a daughter and let her hear it.

i needed confirmation that i am doing the right thing by getting Sis out of my life.
i hope this is not forever, but if it is, it's her loss.
i tried.... and tried... and tried.....
...... and will not try again.

Somthing to ponder this morning...

"Interestingly, koi, when put in a fish bowl, will only grow up to three inches. When this same fish is placed in a large tank, it will grow to about nine inches long. In a pond koi can reach lengths of eighteen inches. Amazingly, when placed in a lake, koi can grow to three feet long. The metaphor is obvious. You are limited by how you see the world."
-- Vince Poscente

A friend, a new friend, recently told me i really should get myself a passport. i think i will!

Get This!!!???!!!

Today Sis had a day off. i don't ask questions. She doesn't talk unless i speak first & so i try not to speak. YOU know how hard that is for me!!! lol

She took cat for grooming this am...
This afternoon i asked her if she was going to be home for dinner. She said it depends... she had a 4:00 appointment!

i was gathering trash to get it out to curb for early morning pickup... and the phone rang. i told D#1 i needed a break; it's garbage day; blahblahblah.... and whoosh! Sis was gone!!! Out the door!!!

Neighbor brought paper a short time later... Guess what! He went to Sis' place of employment today and they were CLOSED!!! That's why she didn't go to work. Wow! She sure filled her time in fast eh?

Okay... new plan..... D#1 is willing to organize the family get-together for a mass removal of this unhelpful, disgruntled, no longer welcome... relative! i just want it to be pleasant weather cuz i don't want her adult kids tracking in and out of my house with all that snow!

Inauguration Day

Today i am watching the inauguration of Barack Obama. i do not want to miss any of it!!! My generation lived with the Martin Luther King's dream. We saw discrimination in mid-Michigan and read about much worse discrimination in the south. I, along with the rest of my generation, prayed for this day. Even though i did not vote for Obama, he makes me proud to be an American! God bless the new First Family and God bless America!!!

another horoscope... no wonder i'm confused!

Quickie
You have solid footing in your life now — and a good sense of where you want to go.

Overview
Decisions are harder than ever right now — how can you say ‘no’ to anyone or anything? You do need to shut at least one door and soon, but you should feel totally right about it before you do so.


See, it just sounds like me! I just keep seeing this domestic problem i’m having and wondering if it’s as bad as i think, or just a bit of imagination creating a drama where none need be. I will dwell on it more before making any decisions. I think what i really need is a plan… but first, i have an appointment today.

my horoscope fits ME:

Quickie
If you defer to what other people want, you could appear to be a doormat. Get tough!

Overview
Someone has unreasonable expectations of you -- but you might be too keyed up and full of good energy to refuse! It's a delicate balance, but eventually you do need to tell them 'no.'

=========================================
i am NOT a doormat!!!

i DO have good energy!!!

My good energy refuses to accept any more sh__ from self-serving people!

Not late, early!

I smelled cigarette smoke in the house. The only rule i ever gave her was 'no smoking in the house.' Smelled like coming from downstairs so i said, 'smells like somebody's smoking down there.' and went back & sat down in the living room. Heard her voice from bedroom, laugh & say to somebody (on phone i presume) 'i was in the laundry room.' LIE!

Fresh smoke smells different than the usual stale smell she carries.

Cooked myself a burger around 6:30 & finished off the leftover pasta i made yesterday. i'm really sick & tired of having another body in the house. It's like having a big beligerent child living here, except she does clean her own room & rinses off her dishes for the dishwasher.

As far as other chores, during the six months she's been here, she swept snow off part of the back deck once. She helped me take garbage to the road once (a once/week job.) She brought newspaper in once or maybe twice (?) but always reads it and reminds me she wants me to save the Sunday crossword puzzle for her!!! She cleaned the bathroom once. Hmmm - anything else? Nope!

Now how does this benefit me? I will tell her she must move out when the weather allows. I just can't make her do it sooner..... can i?

My kids are glad i have somebody living with me...

Hahahahahaha!!!! and now...more about the on the onagain/offagain phenomenon. Yesterday sis left her cat in her bedroom with the door closed... so i left him in there all day. I never know if she did it because he hasn't used his personal litter box yet, or if she just wants him in there...???

In keeping with my new policy to 'not speak unless spoken to' (just with her!), when she got home from work she went in room, opened door & let poor kitty out. He headed for the kitchen & 'regular' catfood & 'regular' water!!! He just LOVES the 'public trough.' His food is more expensive & she gives him bottled water. No wonder she has no money!

Neighbor wanted me to ask her about an item they might have in the store where she works, so i asked her. I was cooking dinner at the time. She answered civilly as though we just always have on-going conversations. We had dinner; we had conversation; then she spent evening in her bedroom (except for occasional trips outdoors for a cigarette.) It was one of those incidents that make me feel, 'oh what the heck! Might as well let her stay here.'

I finally had a good night's sleep last night (another story) so was up before she went to work. She was on phone... i heard her say something about '...see you later' and when she looked at me, i said 'morning' and she responded. Otherwise it would have been a 'silent' encounter.

Poor kitty is shut up in bedroom again today. Will she be home at dinnertime? Will she be late? Who's cooking dinner today? Who knows? This is my life.

on again..... off again..... what to do?

Today's Pisces horoscope says it all...

A friend is having a hard time managing their partnership with you. Be patient.
Let go of anything old that's been holding you back -- you've got a free pass to get on with your life! It's a really good time for you to meet new people and try new projects of all kinds.

Sounds like my life! Hmmm. Also sounds contradictory. Or is this multiple choice? I choose the second part!

The friend is my live-in sister (my fault, i asked her to move in.) i've BEEN patient. She is the 'something old' as well. i'm not letting this relationship - i mean, non-relationship - hold me back. i will not be obsessed by the situtation.

Life is an evolving process. Life is good.

Okay... i'll admit it.....

i think i'm OCD oops! i meant ADHD. i think it's a good thing as long as you use it for good. i think i do. Yes, i just started yet another blog. Wasn't gonna do it but when PowWeb (sponsor of my domain) offered WordPress as part of my new package, complete with an easy install, the geekiest part of me just could NOT resist!!!

Okay, i wasn't gonna share with ANYBODY, but here it is:
sherle's blog It's green & clean... simple and i'm gonna keep it that way... no whining, no long reminiscing, just honest to God simple journal style on how i spent my day. i already broke my promise to myself for daily updates, but i have a good excuse!